Six weeks ago, weighing the most I ever have, I booked an appointment with Dr Ali, physician to the stars, and now about to go stellar himself with his book, video, and countless breathless testimonials in the press. I mean, this is the man of whom Vogue wrote: "What Deepak Chopra is to LA, Dr Ali is to London". His client list is led, of course, by Prince Charles.

I am a sucker for anything that might help me lose the pounds without eating less or giving anything up. But as much as I enjoy reading Complimentary health books while polishing off a bottle of Pinot Noir, at the age of 42, I felt my mind and body were heading for divorce due to irreconcilable differences. So Dr Ali it had to be.

The first surprise was the appearance of the clinic - if it were a person, you'd definitely think it were looking a bit peaky. It could pass for just about any private clinic in and around Harley Street. Although a reassuringly old copy of Hello! was laying on the table, so I felt genuinely at home.

Aesthetics aside, I found Dr Ali pretty amazing. There aren't many strangers who can tell me within 10 minutes of meeting them that I have put on a lot of weight recently (true), am an insomniac (true), have bad digestion (true), and am heading for some kind of almighty health crisis, and find me thanking them profusely. In fact, I nearly leapt on to his massage table expecting instant salvation or a quick clean cull.

Thankfully, it was the former. Over the past 10 years I have been massaged to the point of stupefaction all over the world: immersed in rose petals in Bali, covered in oil made from goat excrement in Morocco, but nothing prepares you for the power of a Dr Ali massage. In a 10-minute session he sluice Iout more lactic acid from my back and neck than a pharmaceutical company, lifting years of neck and shoulder pain. He also managed to rid me of a cold that had laid me outIfor a week.

Then I was sent off with the programme for the next three months. No alcohol, coffee, cheese, mushrooms, citrus fruit, chocolate, yeast or spices - pretty much the stuff that glues together my unhealthy frame. It is a measure of my faith in Dr Ali that I left his surgery agreeing to this regime.

Now, three days later, I must admit that my posture is better and I am sleeping blissfully. On Saturday, a colleague of Dr Ali's delivered a deep tissue massage that had me pounding the table like a wrestler caught on the canvas, but an hour later, I strode out a new man. These massages are a world away from the affectations of Tibetan bells and aromatherapy candles and infinitely more beneficial.

Suspend your cynicism - if health is truly wealth, think of Dr Ali as the best bank manager you'll ever have.

A half-hour session with Dr Ali at The Integrated Medical Centre (IMC), 43 New Cavendish Street, London W1 (tel: 020 7224 5111), costs £60.

"The Integrated Health Bible" is published by Vermilion, priced £12.99.

"Dr Ali's Lifestyle Programme" is on video, priced £13.99, from the IMC shop.